Alright brace yourself…this blogpost was a long time coming. I’ve always been very hesitant to share my story because even my own family doesn’t even know a lot of this journey.

But

I feel like every time people ask me WHAT DO YOU EAT? How much weight did you gain with your babies? How do you stay fit? I can’t answer that honestly with out being Real and honest about my journey first.

It is important to me to eat healthy and to feel my best but also not to be OBSESSED. Anymore! My dad passed away of heart disease so it runs in our family. So learning that my dad passed away because of this and it’s genetic it has been a Big reason to do my best to stay healthy for me and my family!

But it wasn’t always like that….

Growing up I always had a big booty and I hated it! I matured a lot faster than all the other girls and I hated it. Then I started dating And was bigger than all the boys and I hated it. I had a horrible bf in high school that did not help my self esteem but actually made me feel like I couldn’t get better and I hated it and I hated myself but I thought I was stuck because my self esteem had gotten so low. Having to be a certain size in the dance industry or getting cut , self sabotage for comparing my body to others didn’t help and I hated it.

I understand I had a choice and no one or anything can make me feel a certain way. I chose to let those feelings over take me. Which led to not eating, diet pills of all kinds, binging and purging, excessive working out and still never being happy with Tia.

When I moved back to Utah in 2007 being back around family helped my anorexia but it lead to binging and purging:( I just was sooo self absorbed on my body that happiness was sooo far away.

That was the year I found my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I quit wanting the dream of being a professional dancer. I totally engulfed myself in getting back to church and living my life for him. That’s when I met Andy.

I still was not healed…we got married and I got pregnant. honeymoon baby ๐Ÿ’‹ I was so happy to be pregnant but still not healed mentally…I was still so caught in my head of what I should look like and what was happening to my body that I let it take me to a really dark place, like a really dark place. I cared sooooo much that I convinced myself that I wasn’t worthy of Andy’s love, he deserved better and would be better without me….That’s when he saved me….literally. He walked in to see his helpless , depressed wife on the bathroom floor he picked me up , held me and saved me. For anyone whose reading this yes it’s selfish. Self district is never the way EVER! This diseases is selfish and sooo real Satan can get us. I’m here to tell you it’s a disease this is real and more woman & men than you think are controlled emotionally and mentally by the way they look or that damn number! (Excuse me) We have to be soft, loving in the way way we speak to each other and show empathy. It’s real but we can be stronger than our weaknesses and fight it and him!

That’s when

i started spending 30 min every day with Tia. I would sit in a room with nothing on the walls or in it and just be with my thoughts and meditate. Learn to be still and just be with me and learn to be good with it.

That’s also when Andy gave me my first GRATEFUL JOURNAL The game changer and asked me to write 3 things I was grateful for everyday!

These 2 things along with Andy and The Lords help saved me and have changed me completely! That’s what my mission is is to help others understand that what your body looks like and the number it is is not true happiness but being grateful for it and all that it does already for us is. I am STRONGER NOW because I have come to understand that this body needs love and I’m the only person that can do that. I want my kids to love their bodies so that starts with my example.

Honestly, I haven’t been that dark since then. When I start to feel myself getting caught up again I know how to get back…GRATITUDE.

Grateful for my booty that I sit on. Grateful for my hips that birthed my babies. Grateful for my arms that hold my babies. Grateful for my stomach that has endured a lot and grew my babies. Grateful for my body that does so much for me. Grateful for my nose I can smell. Grateful for my face I have a face!

It’s amazing when you focus on all the little things in life and how much you really do have the world changes around you. The world becomes a bright light and you become a light to others.

So when people ask me what I eat in a day thats why I feel like it’s complicated. I have had to learn and to work for it, learn what helps me, be honest with myself and let you know my path has been a fight with food and I’m not your typical eat this eat this eat this type of person.

I want you to know that everybody is different. Every body responds differently. Find what works for you. Your body is not like someone else’s. What works for her might not work for you.

Since my days of not treating my body right I have stomach issues that I have had to heal and now I eat for my gut 90% of the time๐Ÿ˜‰ I have had to listen to my body try new things whether it be shakes, raw till 4 , meat sparingly and lots of water I do what Tia needs.

My Tips and Tricks to staying fit for my kids and myself:

* drink lots of water I cary a half a gallon usually to help. I used to be an addicted Dr. Pepper drinker:) and still have one every once in a while and when I do I drink more water!

* Raw till 4 ??? Eating raw fruits and veggies before 4pm and then cooked meals or whatever processed. Basicallly it’s reaching for the foods that will fuel you and help you move things through before the processed foods! So Smoothies, smoothie bowls or just as is! This is something I have done to help my gut and it has really helped a lot! If you want more info on this check out Earthyandy she is who I learned from.

* DONT SAY NO saY “I CHOOSE”: I totally believe that when you say NO to yourself you want it more…well that’s for me anyways! The minute I tell myself no I can’t have that or The word diet ๐Ÿ˜ that’s all I think about๐Ÿ˜‚ so Say “I choose not to eat that” or “I’m choosing to eat this not that” it’s learning to trick the brain ๐Ÿ™‚ never deprive yourself make it your choice!!! If you want option 2 (we will call it that) Get it but eat the healthy option first and then see if you have room for it by then ๐Ÿ™‚ you will be shocked! You will eat less of the option 2 or you won’t eat it at all.

* THROW THE SCALE AWAY๐ŸŽ‰ i Get asked a lot how much do I gain during pregnancy? ….honestly I haven’t stepped on a scale on purpose since….geezzzz forever. When I go to my dr. Apt for my pregnancies I don’t look because I don’t care…they tell me if I’m good or not and hats all I need. Honestly , life w/o the numbers is sooooooooooo much happier! I can feel my body. I know if I’m putting good things in it good things will come. If I put option 2 a lot then I’ll get option 2 results ๐Ÿคช I go by how my clothes feel and how I feel! So THROW IT AWAY and really no one is going to remember your size or your weight only the way you made hem feel!

* Eat a treat a day before 1pm:

Like I said allow yourself. If you need it eat it before 1pm so you have the rest of the day to digest and work it off!

* The protein shake I LOVE and have used over the last 6 years. I have tried lots of others that are great but this one is my personal Fav…HERBALIFE SHAKES. Light and easy on the belly , fill me up and I love how I feel! I love all their stuff!

* Protein snacks I LOVE

-light Greek vanilla yogurt with 2 scoops of pb2 on top! Yum! Thanks to my friend Sydney from Yayfortoday

– wheat thins with cottage cheese and salsa …yummmy

– almond milk, quinoa and honey with chia seeds (this is an alternative to rice sugar and milk) and its sooo good! Heat it up for 45 seconds and yummy!

I really hope this helps a lot of you. Just know that you are NOT ALONE! There are so many woman and men struggling and that’s why it’s important for us to love and be understanding and know that no one goes on in this life without struggle. That’s why I love Hotmess fitness because it is built around gratitude and reminding ourselves everyday that we are WORTH IT. Don’t forget you have a purpose and the world needs you.

Thank you for being here and for reading!

Love you so much

Don’t forget how amazing you are

Say it…..” I am Amazing”

Xoxo

Tia

Photos by: Whitney jean