This week’s Hotmess Hottie is Melanie!! Her positive and upbeat energy is contagious! She is always encouraging others and we are so grateful to have her in our Hotmess family!!
We all have a journey in life and go through our own trials. We get so focused on our own circumstances. We live in our own world at times and are so hard on ourselves.
Through my whole life I have struggled with my self worth and depression to points where I couldn’t get out of bed and would self harm to ease the pain. I hated who I was and always blamed my depression for my life. I thought I had to live like that because there was something wrong with me. I was a people pleaser and lived my life for everyone else in life and what every one thought I should do. I never made my decisions based on what I wanted in life.
I have always struggled with my weight my whole life. I had finally found a balance with my nutrition and was feeling great. I started going to the gym and wanted to do a bikini competition I wanted to prove “I could look good”. I was working out hard in the gym 5 days a week. Pretending I knew what I was doing and following a plan set up for me, every time I walked in the gym I compared my self to every one else and judged myself ” Am I doing this right?” “Am I pretty enough?” “Do I deserve to be here with all these fit people” just some of the thoughts going through my head I felt like I had to prove I was good enough. June of 2014 I ended up pulling my IT band and found myself in a downward spiral mentally and physically I was down for 10 weeks and not in a good place mentally, emotionally, physically. I was eating my emotions and blamed myself for messing things up again. I realized then my emotional connection with food and that I had an eating disorder. I was a binge eater, closet eater. I punished myself with unhealthy food because I didn’t feel I deserved to be healthy.
That’s when my dear friend took a stand for me and basically dragged me with her ( okay maybe not dragged me, it did take me months to say yes.) She never gave up and I saw a passion and love for herself shine through. I walked in my first day to keep up with everyone else there. I had to prove I was strong (so I thought) walked out that day soaking wet and ready to puke. I was not ready to give up and wanted to change so bad I thought to my self “I just want to loose weight I had gained”. I continued to go for the last two weeks of that session. The end of the two weeks I felt stronger physically, I struggled with looking in the mirror and saying “I am Amazing” “I am worth it” “I am beautiful” (I secretly always looked at my feet in the mirror) I went to the banquet for that session and walked out with a whole new outlook of what Hotmess fitness was about. Never in my life have I felt a true love from so many woman. The love of self beauty, acceptance, the feeling and emotions were so strong that night, women being recognized for “Magnifing Beauty From the Inside Out” not just the # on the scale.
Fast Forward to now, 10+ sessions later. I have learned so much about who I am. My mental strength is one of the biggest things I have learned. When things seems hard I say ” I can do hard things” , “this is easy”. I have found a love for myself beyond the physical aspect.
I have also learned the true meaning of being service to others and allowing others serve you. I have let down my pride of “I can do it on my own without any one else”, and am open to being there for others. I have built walls around my heart my whole life and not let others in and now radiate love for every one I meet.
Hotmess fitness truly changed my life, it is more than just a workout (that is just the added bonus). I stopped worrying about the scale and focused on being GREATFULL for what I have now, giving service to others and know matter what life throws at me I know I can overcome it.
I have accomplished so many things since Hotmess from marathons to taking a stand for myself. Things I never thought were possible are now part of my journey in life.
I choose to be happy in life because that’s what I choose for myself not any one else. That is why I will always be a hotmess and share with others what hotmess has given me.
Thank you Hotmess fitness.!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing Melanie!! We love you!!