Our Hotmess Hottie this week is Emily!!
Hi my name is Emily and I am a product of Hotmess fitness. What does this mean you might be asking. This means my life has forever been changed because of the lifestyle and lessons I learned through this amazing class.
Before arriving in Hotmess, my life felt pretty dark and empty. In 2008 my husband was killed. Following this tragedy I found myself in the throws of deep addition that lasted over 8 years. I am lucky to be alive and in recovery today. But because of the choices I had made for so long throughout this addiction, I was filled with shame, guilt, and self hate… not to mention 100 lbs overweight as well. I was toxic in every way; spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally. I knew I needed to change but I had no idea how or what that would even look like. My soul yearned for healing.
One day about 2 years prior to my Hotmess journey, a spunky, beautiful, spiritual giant named Tia Stokes came to our church relief society party. This is the first day she became a guardian angel in my life. That day she shared her story and how in her life she had achieved all she set out to do yet felt empty and unhappy. She said she made a decision to turn her life over to the Lord and said, “do with me as thou will”. Now years later, she had in her countenance a peace about her. It was what I was missing and in that moment I knew that when I was ready I would need to do what she had done to heal. It took me about 18 months of trying, falling, then standing up and trying again before I finally did turn my life completely over to Christ. So begins the journey.
About 3 months later, I ran into a girl I’d known a long time, but this time something was different about her. She was beaming about this thing called Hotmess telling me how she loves her body and how she loves herself and she’s perfect just the way she is. I was confused. I mean what? You love your body? I didn’t understand that language when I’d spent my whole life sending nothing but judgement and hate to mine. But alas, the spark was lit and I was curious.
I found out that Hotmess was ran by none other than … Tia Stokes. WHAAAAAT? God is crazy amazing, right??!! So about 2 months after this it was sign-ups for the next 8 week session. I went about 4-5 hours early to wait in line because I was so scared I wouldn’t get in and I felt my life truly depended on it. It did! I remember when I signed up, Luci said “you’re going to lose so much weight on the inside”. I was like … Hmmmm all I care about is physical. Ha! I had a lot to learn. Besides I thought I knew what that meant, but it became so much more. My first few weeks going to class I would just sit and bawl all the way home. Emotions were getting released along with a lot of sweat. It felt so good! For many many months after beginning my Hotmess journey, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror while we worked out yelling these amazing affirmations like “I AM BEAUTFUL! I LOVE MY BODY! I’M A SEXY BEAST! I AM WORTHY! … I would look at everyone else instead of myself. It took a lot of work to unravel the pain and the shame and what the world had taught me to believe about myself, that I’m not good enough, or skinny enough, or pretty enough…. But I never gave up. In time I was able to stop looking to everyone else and a light began to grow inside of me. Little by little I began to know my worth. It took a long time to realize the scale had NOTHING to do with it! Let me tell ya, I was obsessed with the scale. But now I know I am amazing just the way I am!
I am a Daughter of God and I’m grateful for this body he gave me. I can’t even find words to describe the gift Hotmess, Tia and the ladies of Hotmess are. I can’t find words to say how good it felt when finally I was able to go there and workout because I loved my body, not because I hated it. And I don’t love it because it’s that perfect image of what I used to believe I had to be. I love it because I appreciate it and I know I’m blessed to have it. So many times along the way the Hotmess ladies carried me through. They’d been through it too and they understood. In time I was able to start giving that love away too. It feels so good!!!! It’s not about me! It never was, but I’m so thankful God sent me this gift of Hotmess. The culture, the love, and the values I learned there have blessed not only my life, but the lives of my family and people around me. I’m a better mom, sister, friend, daughter and just better all around because of Hotmess. I’m forever grateful for Tia, for her vision and heart for service. I know the Lord put her in my life to help save it. I know He loves me so he sent me Hotmess. I love Him too and I will forever spread the Hotmess love wherever I go.
Love you Emily!! Thank you for your beautiful story!!