This weeks Hotmess Hottie is Angie! Angie is such a fun and caring woman! We love having her in Hotmess Fitness!!

It was just a year ago that I was talked into doing Hot Mess by some really good friends.  I hadn’t heard much about hotmess, and didn’t really know what to expect.  I had heard from my friends that it was a good workout every morning, and at the time, that’s all I was looking for.  Or at least, what I thought I was looking for.  I would soon come to find out that this was much more than just a “workout”.

I started Hot Mess with the goal of losing weight and toning up my body.  Isn’t that the reason we all join gyms and workout?  What I didn’t realize was, that’s not the only thing this program was all about.  It was so much more!  In the year that I’ve had the privledge of taking part of Hotmess and coming to know our coach, Tia Stokes, I not only feel better physically, but the emotionally broken part of me has started healing as well.  Something I never expected to happen.

You see, when I started Hotmess, it was just eight months after I had to face the hardest day I’ve ever had to face.  I guess everyone has a story to tell.  A moment in their life that helps define them, that changes them. This is mine: I am the mother of 4 beautiful children. I was also the mother, nurturer and care taker of a sweet baby, Nicholas, who came into our home as a newborn.  Two weeks before Nicholas was born, we had been asked by our niece if we would take custody of him when he was born. She had found herself in trouble with the state of Washington.  Her older son, that was one year old at the time, was placed in foster care with six broken bones.  Our niece had chosen to protect her abusive boyfriend and not tell the truth, instead of protecting her two children.  We had non-parental custody for Nicholas from the time he was one day old until he was 14 months old.  As a family we loved Nicholas with every ounce of love we had.  Words could never adequately express the love we still have for him.  We were the only family he had ever known.  We considered Nicholas our son, and our children knew he was their little brother.  Despite all of our efforts in trying to adopt Nicholas, we were told we would have to return him to his birth mother.  Some one we considered unsafe because of the life choices she was making and the abusive people she surrounded herself with. We were devastated by this news.  After 14 months of sleepless nights, of well baby check ups, of the best slobbery baby kisses there ever was, of baby teething, of full belly giggles, of hundreds thousands of diapers, of unconditional love, of baby sniffles, of smiles that melt your heart, and of loving and caring for this perfect, happy, healthy, thriving boy, my husband and I would have to drop our adoption case.  We would have to take Nicholas back to his biological mother, who to him, was a complete stranger. To say our hearts were broken would be an understatement.  Dan and I drove Nicholas to Walla Walla, Washington with fear and saddness in our hearts.  Nicholas was a very happy, very secure little boy. He was very attached to each of us.  He adored his older brothers and sister. He was always so excited to see his daddy come home from work.  Nicholas was especially attached to me, the only mom he had ever known.  I was the only one that he would let rock him to sleep at night.  Those were precious moments that I am so grateful for.  We had a bond that cannot be explained in words, a bond that is held between a mom and her son.  On December 8th 2014, I rocked him to sleep one last time and layed him down in a strange bed, in a strange house, and slipped away, leaving him with strange people.  I left a piece of my heart in Washington that night.  No, I will never be the same.  None of us will.  

Over the last year and a half since we had to leave Nicholas in Washington, I’ve learned how to fake being “fine” pretty good.  Talking about my heartache or fears concerning Nicholas is something I don’t regularly do.  I guess it’s my way of dealing with the pain.  Starting Hotmess a year ago has been such a blessing to me.    As I stated in the beginning, I didn’t know what I was getting into when I started.  It truly has become physical, emotional and mental therapy for me. Although I still ache for Nicholas, and miss him terribly. Hotmess has helped me through the healing process.  None of us know the twists and turns our lives will take.  None of us know the trials we will have to face.  But I do know that when we take time for ourselves to get healthier, inside and out, we can handle the things that come our way.