Fridays are going to be full of Hotmess love! You get to hear from some of our past and present Hotmess Hotties!! This week we will hear from Jennifer!
“About a year ago my friend, Holly, introduced me to Hotmess at a time in my life when I desperately needed it. I was struggling to love me for me and fighting the weight battle (well, by fight I really just mean I would look in the mirror and cringe). I knew that if I was ever going to be happy that I would need to learn how to love me for where I was because if I didn’t I could lose the weight and still be unhappy.
Growing up I was always fit. I was athletic and a size 6-8. I was happy with my body. I didn’t see any flaws. I was blissfully unaware of what would come.
Shortly after getting married we learned we were pregnant, but the joy was short lived. We soon discovered that our sweet boy wouldn’t make it full term. Losing him at 22 weeks sent me into a slow downward spiral. It started with feelings of failure and inadequacy. My body put up defenses (weight) to defend against my own negativity. The weight began to pile on as I continued to indulge in those negative thoughts. In a matter of a year I had gained nearly 100 pounds. I was no longer the cute slender girl I was in high school. That was hard to adjust to, actually I don’t think I ever really adjusted to it. I remember the day I couldn’t fit into my husband’s basketball shorts anymore, that was hard.
Years went by and more babies joined our family. But I still couldn’t love myself for me. I couldn’t see the beauty. I tried workouts and diets and even successfully lost 50 pounds, only to have another baby and feel like I was right back to where I started. I never learned to love me so the weight lost didn’t seem to make a dent in the way I was feeling. I found Hotmess 10 years after losing our baby. 10 years of feeling like the fat one in the room. 10 years of wishing things were different. 10 years of feeling unhappy and being desperate for the answer.
Hotmess taught me how to love me. It was so hard at first. I felt so insecure and embarrassed. I don’t think the words “sexy beast” had come out of me ever. Tia pushed me to dig deep and I gradually began to believe the things I was saying. I was writing in my grateful journal and working hard physically each day. Just being grateful for my body and the hard things it could do showed me that it really is pretty amazing. It is hard to not like something you are proclaiming your gratitude for!
I think the thing that struck me from the very beginning was that Hotmess is a no judgement zone. Tia doesn’t judge, she knows we all have issues and she just accepts us and helps us leave those things behind. Something magical happens when we decide to trust the process and do the work! I wish I could explain just how much better I feel now. It has been a complete turn around. I am confident, happy, and a much better wife and mom. I honestly don’t know how much weight, if any, that I have lost because honestly it doesn’t matter.
It really is so much more than a workout!”